White Guy Pimpin

Introduction

2007-08-04T08:50:00.000-07:00

My name is Player McPimp.

I wasn't born with that name, I had to earn it, and it wasn't easy. Like you I was a lame white guy who saw the glamour and glitz of the pimpin' industry and could only dream about being a part of it. I'm here to help make your dream come true.

It used to be that society had fixed rules: only Jews played basketball, black guys didn't swim and white guys didn't pimp. Thanks to our modern, enlightened society all of that has been thrown out the window. We have black guys playing lots of sports -- heck, Tiger Woods is even so good at golf that Augusta National is giving him his very own drinking fountain. Jews can now swim too and, thanks to Gub'ment regulation Title LXIX recently enacted by Congress, white guys will be pimpin' more and more.

If you aren't aware Title LXIX says in section U8ME, "No person in the United States shall, on the basis of race, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination regarding pimping or similar activity by any taxpayer or Federal employee." This is great news for all of you white guys who wanted to be pimps but found yourself shut out of this lucrative profession by the power structure in place.

"Wait," you're probably saying to yourself, "It's great that I now can't be prevented from pimping because I'm a white guy, but how does that help me against the other pimps who held a monopoly for so long????"

Good question. As always, the gub'ment has the best solution. Since white people are about sixty percent of the US population, Title LXIX goes on to mandate that 60% of the pimps should be white. "Wait," you're probably asking yourself, "How can they enforce that? How will they know if I am losing customers when the racially dominant pimps tell tricks that my ho's have a white pimp and the tricks get turned off?" It's easy. The gub'ment is your friend. They have great tools that they can take advantage of, like profiling. See, in some right-wing states ( like Massachusetts, I think) pimpin' is still illegal. So Title LXIX says that for the first ten years the gub'ment can use profiling to make sure that white guys are arrested less often than the black men that are racially dominant in the pimpin' industry.

Anyway, enough about the law stuff. You didn't come here because you wanted to be gub'ment lawyer . Unlike gub'ment lawyers, our pimps actually get sex.

I am here to help because I was once like you. Most pimps go through an apprenticeship program with an older mentor pimp but I couldn't find one. No one came right out and said it was because I was white but I think that had something to do with it.

So I had to learn the hard way and I made all of the rookie mistakes. On this website you will find out how to avoid those mistakes so you can be part of the lucrative pimpin' industry right away.

Read on my brothers in pimpdom.

Player MacPimp

Caliph Al-Hakim - Pimp Rating: 6

2006-08-02T08:14:00.000-07:00

Old School Playa, circa 1000 AD.
Muslam or Islims or whatever is the perfect religion for pimps because we get to be all peaceful and shit until it's time to knock heads. Calpih Al-Hakim was the mack daddy of Egypt in his day.

We're always a little confused about Islims, though, because they keep putting pictures like this in the newspaper.

However, Al-Hakim is cool because they didn't have newspapers, so when he wanted to ban chess or women's shoes ( and he did ) he just said, "Bitch, you can't have no shoes" and without shoes she went. And thanks to him, we have cool places like this to stay when we visit the Arab ho's:

The Caliph would rank higher except he punished brothers who was just trying to get a payday by having a one of his slaves, Masoud, sodomize them. That's just harsh. Hate the game, dude.

Pimp Rating: 0

2006-08-01T00:05:00.000-07:00

You are not pimp just because you are with two hot ho's. You are still a douchebag.

Pimp Rating: 9

2006-07-30T13:36:00.000-07:00

President Bill Clinton

I think we all agree he is the Cracker Mack Daddy of Pimpdom.
He would rate a 10 but I think we all agree when I am the Pimpiest Leader of the Free World my Ho will be a lot hotter than that fat white girl.

Pimp Rating: 7

2006-07-29T13:34:00.000-07:00

The purple is kinda old school, but he's white so you can't expect too much. Lack of ho's in the picture keeps him from a higher pimp rating. We like the finger bling.

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